December 25th 1973

“Crismis Day – Got a guitar”

Evil child that I was, I always hunted for – and invariably found – my wrapped Crismis Christmas presents many weeks before Santa’s big day. Of course, as a result of them being wrapped I was not always 100% sure of the gifts inside but the size and shape of the packages was usually a giveaway.

However, I can honestly say that my parents genuinely surprised me with this guitar. (I later found out Dad had hidden it by hanging it inside one of his work suits, itself inside a suit hanging bag, at the back of their wardrobe)

This guitar was a half-sized model which – rather than learning to properly play – I instead posed with in front of whichever mirror I could find. Yes, I would adopt clichéd poses with it. Yes I would pretend I was a rock star and mime along with hits on it. I’d be a liar if I said otherwise.

Dad – with some considerable hope – also bought me Bert Weedon’s Play in a Day tutorial book in the vain hope that I would actually read it and learn how to properly bang out tunes on the guitar.

Instead I merely limited myself to bashing out the opening chords to Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water” – or *ahem* variations thereof – imagining myself to be a kind of folksier Richie Blackmore. I also taught myself the irritatingly repetitive riff to Cream’s “Sunshine of your Love” as well as “the Status Quo riff”

Not whole songs I hasten to add, just the riffs. I could amuse myself for hours by doing this, as well as wildly improvising, creating noises with the strings (by rubbing bottles, pens and any other implements to hand over them) and messing with the tuning knobs. I was practising to be an avant garde savant.

As time progressed it was inevitable that the guitar would fall into less and less use. I remember that when I left home and moved into my first flat the guitar had become more of a repository for record label promo stickers than anything I picked up and played. I think the thing got damaged during – and was consequently thrown away – my next house move.

Years and years later – in the early 90’s – a girlfriend of mine decided that I needed a guitar so likewise bought me one as a Christmas gift. Again it was a nice surprise. This time the bonus was a complete set of guitar lessons with a local teacher. I opened the guitar bag and hefted this – now full sized – instrument out, popped on the strap, stood up and…..immediately played “Smoke on the Water”. This wasn’t going to end well.

It didn’t. The girlfriend & I broke up before I had the first lesson, and as she was paying for them I didn’t feel it prudent to push the point during our break-up negotiations.

Thus, the world can squarely blame her for England not having a “second Nick Drake” to fawn over.

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January 21st 1973

“TIB at church” / “I caused an argument by getting in a huff with Mum – Sod it!” / “Good Larf in TIBS – Val there – Played on Piano (Not with Val – Awwww)”/ “Gave dep for w-end”

Regular readers may have noticed that the diary entries for 1973 have been, generally, lengthier than they were in 1972.

It’s not that I was doing more in 1973, just that this diary offered a little more daily space in which to write something than 1972’s tiny little one did.

Today’s entry is yet another veritable cornucopia.

I could get into a “huff” which apparently caused an argument. Once again, these regular references to arguments never fail to amaze – and deeply upset – me.

I really did have the ‘hots’ for Val didn’t I? Proved by my “not with Val – Awwww” remark. What’s weird is that whilst I remember Val, I can’t really remember having this big ‘crush’ on her as my diary suggests.

“Played on piano” – as commented recently, I bet my contribution included a one-fingered rendition of “Smoke on the Water”

That church weekend is imminent, as proved by me forking over my deposit. More debauchery?